So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
