I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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