Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize