I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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