over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
