its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
