Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
