so that wasnt chicken after all
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
