I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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