This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
