I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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