Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i permit you to call me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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