Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
