Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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