the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
