Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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