my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
