cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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