He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
