Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Boobs speak an international language.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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