i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
