I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
