I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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