Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
