The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
