If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
