What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
