her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
