the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize