Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
