Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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