So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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