Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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