In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
