ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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