All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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