Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
