Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
