I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Houston, we have a squirter
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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