some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
