He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
