Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
