Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
