dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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