Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
