i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
