I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
