it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
