8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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