Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Naked. naked and bneed help.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
