I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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