my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
