You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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