I wish they made helmets for livers.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
