SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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