Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
