I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
