11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
