So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
