She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
