as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just pee around me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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