if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
