If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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