I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
