I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
