so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
