Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
