I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
where are you?
Hypothermia
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
