i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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