You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
