my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
