you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can text with my tongue
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
