In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
