My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
