So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The air was thick with penises
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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