just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
