FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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