Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
