Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize