My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
