Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
