I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
