was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
