I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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