Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
