clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
