he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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